Vulture Watches a Starving Child in Sudan

'Coconut Diaper'

I, personally, find 'Clocks' to be an excellent musical rendition of the golden ratio.

However, anyone who likes Coldplay is ceaselessly mocked. For example:

"Know how I know you're gay?"

"How?"

"You like Coldplay."

Even though I'm a Coldplay fan, I appreciate this New Yorker writer's hatred of the band.

Kitty Litter Model

I think Hans should be a model and pose on cat food and kitty litter bags.



I am curious if getting your cat into the modeling business is a profitable endeavor. How do you get started? Send a couple headshots to Meow Mix? I wouldn't want the fame getting to Hans' head though. He already snorts too much cat nip.

Stop That Smell!

From the financial crisis and global recession, to the burgeoning Iranian nuclear program, to the rampant and senseless killings in Congo, there is no shortage of grave problems needing attention. In deference to the serious dialogues that need to take place, I'll take on an issue of daily concern to individuals everywhere. No one is spared from its suffering, and the root causes are both unpredictable and plentiful.

Whether it is the cabbage rolls and garlic chicken from PF Chang's that your close friend consumed for dinner, or the Spicy Hot Wings you and the boys had last night at Hooters, or even your Mother's black bean chili, the end result is always the same. And it always smells.

It happens in elevators, public restrooms, cars, and even under the sheets, Dutch Oven style. No matter the context, exposure always necessitates a solution. This begs the question: How do you stop that smell?

Through observation, I've found two popular techniques.

First, a classic, The Two Finger Pinch. This is quick, one-handed, and relatively easy to execute. Below is my attempt to reenact a post-exposure Two Finger Pinch:



Though it is the traditional approach, The Two Finger Pinch can be painful to implement, especially if you have a stuffy, clogged nose. This second technique is better suited to handle a variety of exposure scenarios. In my opinion, the Peace Sign Plug is clearly the best solution:





Hopefully, this dialogue can be an avenue to discovering even better solutions in the future. What's yours?

Why I'm Happy

Some reasons I am happy Obama will be president:

1) It has been a long, long, long time since the world has been this excited about the result of a US presidential election. Many foreigners are inspired by Obama, and feel that he is the leadership America needs. No matter what he ends up accomplishing, he has already injected much needed legitimacy back into America. How can a terrorist convincingly complain of the evil Western infidels when we have just democratically elected a man with the middle name Hussain as president? I am glad that Obama can inspire the world, and hopefully America can use and benefit from the legitimacy his presidency will bring.

2) Obama is extremely intelligent. He outperformed the Clintons and the Republican machine to go from nowhere eight years ago to the first African American president-elect in US history. Clearly, he has talent, and the campaign has tested him in many ways. He has been consistently cool headed and rational. He has relied on the support of 200 foreign policy analysts in informing his world policy views. He surrounds himself with brilliant men like Paul Volcker, considered the best Federal Reserve Chairman in recent history. I do not know what Obama can ultimately accomplish, and I do not know what he will try to accomplish, but I know that he is inspiring, and I know that he is rational. To me, this is extremely important.

3) I think that there is something really important about our having put a black family in the White House. I think it will do something to this country to see that, and I think it will be positive. Hopefully, this is a huge step in leaving the toils and troubles of racism behind us.

Polling: Round Two

I got up at 6 AM this morning to vote. I arrived at my polling place around 6:15, aghast to find a line stretching at least four blocks. Apparently, although polling was to begin at 6 AM, voting didn't actually start until 6:30, as many staffers failed to show up on time. I was constrained by an 8:15 AM appointment. At 7:30, after having waited an hour and fifteen minutes, only half of those in front of me had voted, and I left the line, resigned. Hopefully, my second try will be more successful.

Mine is a story of inconvenience, but those who work all day may have only one chance to make it to the polls. The lack of adequate staffing and booths is disappointing. High voter turnout is a welcome change from the apathy of past elections. Greeting unprecedented voter interest with incompetent logistics and half-hearted planning shows the unflinching ability of the American democratic system over the last eight years to be persuasively inept.