Ron Jeremy walked into Graham Chapel from a side door, into a small room adjacent to the filled, murmuring auditorium. He was unshaven and sported a blue Hawaiian shirt that said "Molokai."
"Where's the green room?" he immediately demanded. Green room is showbiz jargon for the place with food and drink to placate performers as they wait to go on. After being informed that he would be required to walk out in front of the audience to get back to the eats, he plainly protested:
"It's about surprising them. I walk on stage and everyone applauds. Hey! It's Ron! What are they gonna do? Meh...we already saw him five minutes ago. It ruins the excitement."
Someone pointed out he could access the green room from outside, abating his growing frustration. During this exchange, I was standing...waiting, impeccably dressed in my pink shirt/tie and pressed black suit. Mostly, I was excited to be proxy to this exchange. Certainly, this was a problem that would arise exclusively amongst celebrities and fame. Not just everyone required a green room.
Not that the green room was remarkable. A small room with two chairs. The offerings? Eight bottles of Fiji water (It DOES taste better, doesn't it?) delicately arranged in two rows of four. And, a Schnucks-bought plastic tray with an array of placidly unoriginal raw veggies and some fashion of dip. Surprisingly, the unimpressive assortment wasn't underwhelming. I found myself reveling in the privileged status of those, myself, who would require this room. It exudes exclusivity, only to be occupied by the most prominent few and their encompassing entourages. The glimpse of show business was enticing, leaving me with a lingering high of self-importance. I've made the decision. I will, one day, once again require a green room.
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I thought this was going to be about your whole experience with the debate because of the narrative opening... I want to read the rest of the story! Don't just end at the Green Room of Doom.
ReplyDeleteNo sandwiches? No bowl of M&Ms with the brown ones picked out? This Ron Jeremy character has sold himself short.
ReplyDeleteMan, I want a green room now.
ReplyDeleteI hope to be there to see it.
ReplyDeleteGreen Rooms are easier to obtain than you might think. I've done exactly nothing special in my life, and have used 3, 2 of which were for things as trivial as middle school jazz band concerts. What's really impressive is what goes in them. The riders (services which must accompany base pay in a contract) for top celebrities include ridiculous food/beverage requests for the Green Rooms.
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